Written by David and Debbie Meece
“Search me, oh God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me.”
Psalm 139:23, 24
If Christ’s message can be distilled to its simplest form – “Love God and love other” – why is loving God and loving others so difficult to do?
Perhaps we are afraid. Perhaps love has hurt in the past. Perhaps we have felt unsafe revealing our hearts to others. To protect ourselves from further pain, perhaps we have mad a subconscious vow never to hurt like that again. It takes courage to ask God to search our hearts when we have spent so much of our lives protecting them. If God shines His heavenly light into the depths of our beings, can we face all that is hidden there? Will He really take us by the hand and lead us through the darkness into His eternal light? Will He love us in spite of what His light reveals?
Many of us avoid these gnawing questions by changing our lives in superficial ways. We erect walls, rely on others persons’ standards, and pretend to be what we aren’t. We deny the deep ache within our souls that is caused by the disappointing way we manage our lives. We seek relief wherever we can find it- drugs, alcohol and a host of other diversions that provide short-term comfort.
Often, when we turn to our churches for help, we are told that our pain is a result of not having enough faith or not spending enough time in Bible study and Christian service. With our ache magnified, we dive headfirst into more activity . . . hoping if we keep busy, the hurt will go away.
The world’s message is clear: our identity is based on our performance, and our performance always falls short. The more subtle message is, “Whatever you do, don’t admit that you hurt inside.” We obey this message, and our lives grow more uncontrollable until the pace suddenly breaks down. At that point we face the decision of either turning from God in bitterness and anger, blaming our problems on Him, or turning to God in humbled recognition that we can’t make life work on our own.
Oh, that our choice might always be to turn to God! There is nothing that He does not already know about us, yet He still loves us! We don’t have to be afraid of asking Him to look inside. He waits for us to surrender the dark, hidden places in our hearts to Him. He hears and answers our prayers when we commit ourselves to His care.
True comfort comes from remembering that Jesus never expects us to fight our battles alone. He has blazed a path through every thicket and calls us to walk through the thorny places of our lives with Him. There is no darkness that He has not experienced before us. He knows the shadowy valley of disappointment and the rocky cliffs of temptation. He knows the narrow path of pain and the dizzying heights of victory. He even understands the dreary road of mundane routine. He has promised to meet us, wherever we are, with His eternal light.
Truthfully, God is never before His time and never behind. When the crises of our lives loom, He instructs us to rest in the assurance that He is fighting for us. At the appointed hour His secrets will be revealed. He will provide the grace and the light that will see us through. If we invited Him to search our hearts He will bring joy out of the depths of trial and wrestle His eternal treasures out of the hand of the enemy. He will meet us right where we are with His healing power.
If your heart is breaking under the weight of the wounds that you’ve carried too long, or if you’ve buried your pain and anger so deep that they rise to meet you each day in the guise of bitterness or depression, I implore you to stop reading the reach for God’s hand. Give Him all your fear, anger, hurt and confusion. Let Him lead you through the shadowy valley. Risk allowing His light to shine into the concerns of your heart. Risk believing that God is more loving, understanding and forgiving than you ever dreamed. Though you may feel afraid to look deep inside, He invites you to learn how to trust and know beyond a doubt that in your weakness He is strong. For even while staring into the abyss of pain and confusion He holds you together, though it may seem as if life is falling apart. Taking a look inside is the only route to a deeper relationship with God and to a more loving and transparent relationship with those around you.
True change can only happen from the inside out. Do you have relational wounds that have never been examined?
Written in conjunction with David’s “Once in a Lifetime” CD
From the “Once in a Lifetime” Devotional
